Overwhelmed...

and unsure of how to continue on.

I thought I knew what I wanted, but it gets further away with each step I take. No man can serve two masters and thus far I have served more than I can count, my inability to do what I truly want is catching up and its getting frustrating trying to live in the now when all I can see in this endless tunnel is a light so distant I'm not sure if I'm moving in the right direction.

New people, new faces: a quick distraction from the actual problem which seems to easily hide behind daily ballet warm-ups and lunches at home and taking out the trash and laughing with a friend. Making the most of where I am? I don't think I know how to do that yet.

And where is this pressure coming from? It's not from some parental voice that wants me to be something bigger than I already am. I've made it farther than they thought I could. It's not from a confidant who wants whats best and knows I can do better. They are proud of what they have befriended and want to be a part of whatever I choose to become next.

The problem is me.
I've forced myself into believing I'm never good enough and that nothing can satisfy me.
Thus far this has gotten me where I want...but now I don't know what to want next.

Where do I go from here? What's next? How can I prepare when I don't know what is coming next or even what I want?